What today feels like

We’ve done things differently throughout our marriage. We’ve never been afraid of job security that has been less than ideal. We’ve always managed to keep the lights on despite rocky financial circumstances. In fact, we’ve never been conventionally secure ever.

Last night we had a “budget talk.” That oh-so-fun real talk where everything is laid bare. Shame starts to creep in about all the Macdonald’s I’ve eaten lately, and every unnecessary trip to Starbucks.

But I am getting better about just taking a deep breath and effing stepping up.

So today the veil of ambiguity has been lifted and I actually feel inspired. The fog of depression that often accompanies ambiguity (for me at least) has also lifted and the actual sun is shining today.

I’m showered and the dishes are run through. The dirty laundry that was finding its way all over the house has been gathered and is taking turns through the machines. I’m drinking water and taking vitamins. Children and animals are fed and clean. These are the basics of life and yet these so easily bog down and overwhelm.

Today I get another chance to try again. I get to remember that I am a person too and my needs are important. Today I’ll remember that my babies are people with feeling and not just inconveniences and I will snuggle them and help them learn something.

Today, despite my reigned in spending, I will remember to be grateful and be reminded that I get a choice in how our money is spent and in how I feel about it.

Today is feelling pretty good.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.